I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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