I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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