what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize