i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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