I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
honey bunches of taint.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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