Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize