Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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