Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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