I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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