Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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