Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize