Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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