I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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