So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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