sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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