Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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