I want to have your abortion
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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