you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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