i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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