i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize