Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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