He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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