if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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