He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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