JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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