Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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