how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize