You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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