I cut my penus on the lid.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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