I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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