...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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