My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize