why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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