everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize