FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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