At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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