I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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