I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize