What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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