I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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