So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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