I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize