so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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