Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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