If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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