All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize