I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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