I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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