Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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