Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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