Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if only i could text you this smell
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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